Disclaimer: This one is full of words... Just a heads up.
This post as been on the tip of my tongue, fingertips, in the back of my brain {however you want to explain it} for days now. Actually, more like weeks.. Contemplating if I want to step into the ball field that I'm about to. I've been trying to stay away from the blog that is all about my dramatic feelings, everyday sob stories, etc. But then I realized that I was kind of lying by thinking I should avoid that. Not only being deceitful to whoever reads this thing, but most importantly, not being honest with myself. Let's be for real here people, By just giving the weekend updates of how great our holidays were doesn't nearly sum up the lives of my Mr. and I. This post may be so irrelevant, I guess it could kind of be an introduction to the real 'squared'.
Maybe the best way to put it is that our lives will no longer be surfaced on this sweet thing {GASP}. I know, intense, right? But really... I guess these thoughts could have come from the fact that I have been trying to figure out what I want my "New Years Resolution" to be, or how I'm going to change the world by 25... (haha)
This post as been on the tip of my tongue, fingertips, in the back of my brain {however you want to explain it} for days now. Actually, more like weeks.. Contemplating if I want to step into the ball field that I'm about to. I've been trying to stay away from the blog that is all about my dramatic feelings, everyday sob stories, etc. But then I realized that I was kind of lying by thinking I should avoid that. Not only being deceitful to whoever reads this thing, but most importantly, not being honest with myself. Let's be for real here people, By just giving the weekend updates of how great our holidays were doesn't nearly sum up the lives of my Mr. and I. This post may be so irrelevant, I guess it could kind of be an introduction to the real 'squared'.
Maybe the best way to put it is that our lives will no longer be surfaced on this sweet thing {GASP}. I know, intense, right? But really... I guess these thoughts could have come from the fact that I have been trying to figure out what I want my "New Years Resolution" to be, or how I'm going to change the world by 25... (haha)
Wanna know what my lovely peeps?
I finally figured it out what this mumble jumble in my head is!!!
And to be frank, I am quite excited about it.
BUT
This isn't a New Years Resolution. This is more of a life resolution. (to be honest, it kind of sounds really intimidating as I write that... uh oh). New Years Resolutions have never been my thing... they just don't work for some reason. I won't drink soda for 5 days and then it's someones birthday party kinda thing. (By now you are probably thinking... man, if this girl can't even manage a one year resolution, how in the world will this lifetime thing work??) Don't worry... I'm trying to figure that out myself. But I am gonna do this. And I am going to start now. If you didn't get the hint from the words I threw down earlier on the page, here it is, plain and simple.
I want to be a better person.
There! I said it!
Whew.... Now what? I guess that was the first step... Of course I have shared this ongoing wish with my love.. but that's where it's stuck.. and nothing has changed. By writing it down, and now that it is in cyberworld for anyone and everyone to see, I feel more confident that I have the power to make this happen. Now you are probably thinking, WOW! This chick really IS crazy... she was so scared to say that she wanted to be a better person? I promise I am not (maybe just a little). This thing is big for me! In my own way.
I don't think I have ever had a period in my life when I have solely been able to focus on improving myself... and so I have always put these thoughts on the back burner. Steve came home about 3 months after I had graduated,and before that I was in a really serious relationship. I'm not saying that I would have changed anything, or given myself more time, because I wouldn't have. I wouldn't give up any of the experiences that I have had for anything. But I've realized now that I don't have to be alone to accomplish this. And that I don't need a set period of time to make it happen, that it actually HAS to be an ongoing thing if I want it to work. I'm actually grateful that it is this point in my life when I have decided that I am going to make this change in myself. Because I have my best friend right by my side to help me. Cheesy? Sure, but it's true. And I am realizing that I wouldn't have been ready before this, and it might be too late if I try and put it off any longer. It may be something that only I will notice, but that's okay.
I don't think I have ever had a period in my life when I have solely been able to focus on improving myself... and so I have always put these thoughts on the back burner. Steve came home about 3 months after I had graduated,and before that I was in a really serious relationship. I'm not saying that I would have changed anything, or given myself more time, because I wouldn't have. I wouldn't give up any of the experiences that I have had for anything. But I've realized now that I don't have to be alone to accomplish this. And that I don't need a set period of time to make it happen, that it actually HAS to be an ongoing thing if I want it to work. I'm actually grateful that it is this point in my life when I have decided that I am going to make this change in myself. Because I have my best friend right by my side to help me. Cheesy? Sure, but it's true. And I am realizing that I wouldn't have been ready before this, and it might be too late if I try and put it off any longer. It may be something that only I will notice, but that's okay.
The next step? I should probably figure out what it is that I need to do to become a better person. A better wife, daughter, sister, friend... everything. To ultimately feel like I am my BEST self. I have always had a rough time admitting when I fail, or am wrong and I want to change that. Maybe that is what I will work on first. This should include all aspects of life, right? Well there you go, I think that is why it is going to take me a lifetime to (hopefully) get it down. Because I know I'll make an endless amount of mistakes during this process, and I'll fall, But I am determined to always get back up, and take something out of the hard things that I go through.
So, life... I'm ready.
Bring. It. On.
>> Ry
No comments :
Post a Comment